What was the last film you watched? – Big Hero 6

Short answer: Big Hero 6

Long answer: Big Hero 6

Big Hero 6, Disney’s answer to Hero Movies, won an Oscar for Animation, made $56,000,000 dollars in its opening weekend and then went on to quadruple that in gross profit. It scored highly with critics and audiences alike, being described as ‘agreeably entertaining and brilliantly animated… briskly-paced, action-packed and often touching.’ 

But to be honest, and otherwise unhelpful, I wasn’t a massive fan. Let’s start with the plot:- (Spoilers)

We are introduced to Hiro Hamada through a robot battle. Anyone who’s ever seen an episode of Robot Wars, Transformers, or Real Steel – this intro was for you. We’re brought in to think they’re giant robots doing battle, until the camera pans out and you see that it’s two people controlling their robots much like in the tv show Robot Wars. Except there’s no fun narration from Craig Charles. Hiro steps up to challenge the reigning champion and eventually wins. When the reigning champion acts like a child who’s had their favorite toy destroyed (because he essentially had that happen to him) he reacts to physical violence. Towards a 13-year-old. Now, up until this point (and we’re only a couple of minutes into this film), there hasn’t really been any danger for our protagonist, who we assume will be Hiro because he won and because he’s on some of the posters. It seems a bit extreme, but thankfully there’s an ex-machina ‘Older brother arrives on a moped to save the day’ moment so we can breathe a sigh of relief before watching a ridiculous non-car chase as the two brothers try to escape. I say try, because they both get arrested. Turns out, whilst battling robots isn’t illegal in San Fransokyo, gambling on these robot battles is. Who knew?

For the next ten minutes, we’re driven through the world through Tadisha Hamada’s eyes. He wants to encourage his brother to be a better person and to use his brain for something better. He wants to make his parents proud. He wants to show his brother his nerd school. And this is the bit where ‘fast-paced’ seems like a kind way to say ‘info-dump’.

When Tadisha takes his younger brother Hiro to his college/university, he introduces him one by one to Go Go, Wasabi, Honey Lemon and Fred. We’re then introduced to Callaghan, the professor of the university. This all happens very quickly, and we’re shown details of differing personalities of each. Here’s my problem with this. There are now so many characters that I don’t really care about any of them.

Hiro is a moody teenager, pure and simple. Tadashi is the kind soul who wants the best for everyone. Their aunt Cass has two minutes screen time, repeats the same joke as Tadashi, and spends most of her time talking about food and hugging people. Go Go is cold and aloof. Wasabi is clearly OCD. Honey Lemon is over excitable and Fred is the classic frat party stoner (who we later find out is also a billionaire baby). And we’re introduced to all of this information in a succinct fashion because? Because the characters will be important, and these little idiosyncrasies are what make them the heroes they’re going to become? Also, Tadashi has been at this school long enough that he’s tested Baymax 84 times before he works. He’s got his own workspace, and these people are described as his best friends; so how does Hiro not know about them until now? Why does it take Tadashi getting arrested alongside his brother to introduce Hiro to this school? ‘For stories sake’ isn’t good enough in my opinion. And it means that at 23 minutes when Tadashi sacrifices himself to save someone and dies – I felt nothing. Sorry.

There’s a clumsiness to the writing I didn’t expect. Casual Frankenstein references. The fact that when Baymax needs charging, he acts drunk rather than sleepy. Why? For the slapstick comedy? Of which there isn’t really any in the rest of the film. There are a few moments where Disney makes an effort to subvert our expectations. When The Eye of the Tiger starts playing, this is the moment when Hiro has no ideas or plan at all. Baymax makes a funny noise when he does the fist bump and has to deflate and inflate himself, which did make me giggle. But it was difficult to have an emotional attachment to anything other than Baymax. Hiro is clearly consumed by anger, and it’s only his friends that keep him from becoming Callaghan or another villain of the same ilk. And the fact Baymax becomes sentient enough to stop Hiro from removing his care chip. (That’s never explained by the way).

There were five other American/British CG Animated films to come out that year. The Book of Life (Net $99.8 mil), The Boxtrolls ($108 mil), How To Train Your Dragon 2 ($618.9 mil), Penguins of Madagascar ($373.6 mil) and Postman Pat the Move (£8.6 mil).

I’ve included the amount these films made to show that actually, Big Hero 6 ($222.5 mil) was average. I don’t expect Disney to be average. Disney should be miles ahead. The Book of Life is majority 20th Century Fox, and How to Train Your Dragon 2 + Penguins of Madagascar are Dreamworks and Fox. I’m not including that to slander either company. Far from it, they’re big games in animation. And that’s why I expect more from Disney. They are the company for classic children’s storytelling through animation. But even though Big Hero 6 is PG, it doesn’t really feel like it’s for kids. Certainly not kids old enough to understand the emotional distress Hiro is feeling, because he refuses to feel it. He shoves it out of the way until it’s useful in problem-solving. Or Baymax finally explains what he means by ‘Tadashi is here’ and shows the video he’s somehow recorded and saved.

I’d like this film more if:

1. Tadashi did something to engage the audience more than just save his brother. Like maybe being the sole caregiver, until Aunt Cass steps in once he’s died.

2. We got more time to get to know the friends and the university.

3. Everyone had known Fred had money and that was a joke from the start, rather than ex-Machina millions.

4. Baymax had had more personality. It is, after all, fictitious. He could be more sentient before he decides to protect his care chip.

So no, I wouldn’t spend any more money on this film or any sequels hereafter. I probably wouldn’t watch it again unless it was the only thing on television, and I certainly wouldn’t recommend it to a friend.

Let me know in the comments below if you agree or disagree or if you want to share your opinion. See you next week!

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Are you overweight?

Short answer: Yes.

Slightly Longer answer:

I’m a size 18/20. I’m 5’5″, 101 Kilos/15st. BMI wise, that puts me squarely in the ‘obese’ section. But here’s the thing:

I can run up several flights of stairs before being out of breath. I gym twice a week. I eat healthily. And making progress in these areas are more important to me than my BMI. My brother is a foot taller than me, weighs the same and his BMI says he is just a little overweight. He spends a lot of time in the gym too, as well as working at a desk like I do. And something he’s helped me realise is,

We carry fat. We’re not ‘fat’.

In 2014, Toodaloo Katie wrote a great blog on ‘Being the same size but different shapes.’ She explored how she’d hated wearing jeans or things like that because of her shape.

Now – we’ve got plus size models like Ashley Graham blazing the way with an incredible body and incredible positivity. And I’m so thankful because there have been times when I’ve felt worthless because of my size and shape.

When I was younger, and my mum hates me telling this story but at least we can rip of this band-aid early, I used to play rugby. Several times a week actually, I was a good little prop. Stocky, short, strong. But I was heavy. A heavy, heavy, size twelve. All boobs and hips and thighs and a strong core.

So one week I had a boy in my room that I liked, just hanging out. And my mum came in to tell me I had to get ready for rugby.

“No, it’s okay. I’m going to miss it today. Paul’s here.” aka “NAAAH LOOK AT HOW HOT HE IS! Don’t make me leave…”

But my mum missed the subtext – clearly – and turned to me and said “You really need to go. It’s fitness training and you weigh as much as I did when I was pregnant with you.”

Ten years later, and I still have that voice telling me ‘you really need to’. Need to lose weight, need to put on makeup, need to hide your body, your skin, your stretch marks. And I’m so much bigger now than I was then. The difference now is I have body positive people like Meghan Tonjes, Tonsablush, Rebel Wilson being fierce. To have body-positive people out there is so important because sometimes the stigma of being overweight is internalised and that needs repairing.

Yes, I’m overweight. No, I’m not going to stop going out and dressing how I like because you know what – I’m okay with it. And if you’re not, maybe that’s something you need to consider about yourself.

Who is your favourite Director?

Okay, so, I did a bit of research into this because I thought the answer was going to be super simple and then it wasn’t. And the reason it wasn’t is that people aren’t super simple. Our tastes change as we grow and learn, but the styles and techniques of the films we love have been immortalised and don’t change. Obviously.

I’m not a film theorist, but something I do enjoy doing is watching video essays exploring film theory, specifically screenplay analysis and critical theories I’m familiar with within literature put towards the visual medium. I promise, if this isn’t the kind of thing you’re looking for, I’m not going to to go in heavy with this stuff (even though I love it!). But if you are interested, I’d recommend checking out the following youtubers: Lindsay Ellis, Lessons from a Screenplay, and Nerdwriter1. But it’s due to my over-zealous nerdiness that I found choosing my favourite director so difficult. It’s no longer about just watching a film and thinking ‘Good Job! – I enjoyed that’, because I’m more aware of the work they’ve put into it.

So here are some honourable mentions:

John Hughes: 

I went through a phase of only watching John Hughes films on repeat, and considering I’m a being with a very short attention span, I think that says a lot! It was all about the dialogue, the soft colours, (sometimes musical interludes) and the sincerity of the stories Hughes crafted. 10/10 John. Would recommend.

Wes Craven: 

“Wes Craven has become synonymous with genre bending and innovative horror, challenging audiences with his bold vision.” – that’s straight from his IMDB page. For me, it was the intelligence it invoked in the audience watching his many, many films and television shows. The Twilight Zone, Scream, Nightmare on Elm Street. His horror films make you feel intelligent with the dialogue and plotting, before pulling the rug from under you and scaring the living daylights out of you. And it’s psychological enough that you don’t have to worry about it not being terrifying on a second viewing.

Sophia Coppola: 

I would describe Coppola as an ‘auteur’ – AKA a director creating content that explores authorship in contrast to the ‘shallow superficiality of Hollywood’ (thanks Lindsay Ellis). She’s a great director, with a distinguished style and personality. And the interior meaning within the work is inherently feminine – which for me is important because I don’t believe femininity should be considered a negative trait at all. She was the first female director on my list when I started thinking about my favourites (which says something about the very heavily masculine world she’s working in). She was almost usurped by Patti Jenkins or Lone Scherfig who arguably have more works and more recent works worth noting, but she’s the queen for me.

Okay so – for the favourite directors:

I took a few things into account when curating this list. The first was the emotional and psychological impact these directors had on me as I grew up. The second was the adult analysis of their skills (with what little qualifications I have on that) and the third was, petty, but the sheer number of 10/10 in their portfolio.

3. Edgar Wright. 

I’ve not met an aesthetic I’ve liked as much as Edgar Wright’s. And if you’re unsure what I mean then check out this video that goes through it. The man is a genius. His style lends itself so perfectly to visual comedy (another video if you’re into it) but he’s also not afraid to let his audience feel. Baby Driver has some really dark moments, framed in bright colours with white noise so you can feel them without feeling rushed to move on with the plot. Hot Fuzz gives you the complete understanding of the main character’s isolation from a short montage of images. Wright spent days filming one shot for Shaun of the Dead because it had to be perfect. His detail orientated, character-driven stories and authenticity are what makes him so bloody fantastic! (in my humble opinion).

2. Joss Whedon. 

Joss Whedon is not a nice person. He’s “allegedly” fired actors for getting pregnant, cheated multiple times, emotionally abused his wife, he’s included rape subplot storylines that seem to be there for the pure conflict of it all, clearly isn’t as pro-feminist as he’d like to be, and his main characters might be female, but they’re tiny and they’re put through the absolute shitter. Excuse my language. But Buffy, Angel, Dollhouse, Firefly, Serenity, and Doctor Horrible are all a part of who I am as a person now. And he directed that shit so…

1. Ang Lee. 

I didn’t even know Ang Lee had such an important role in my film tastes until I looked into it. His subtle genius has given us the best adaptation of my favourite Austen story Sense and Sensibility, Brokeback Mountain, Life of Pi and Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. Do you know how good a film has to be to get a ten year old interested in subtitled films!? And before Marvel created the MCU, Ang Lee gave us Hulk – a film way before it’s time, science fiction and fantasy, action and intrigue. The man’s a genius and well deserving of all his awards an accolades. He is an auteur, and his films are classics for good reason. He’s my number 1.

Do you use Sarcasm?

Who? Me? Never…

I can only assume I started using sarcasm in primary school, and only because that’s where I learnt hitting people wasn’t ‘nice’. Even if they deserved it.

So I reserved the right to roll my eyes, make a cutting remark or sneer in derision. That’s actually where the word ‘sarcasm’ comes from – the Greek verb Sarkazein which meant ‘to tear flesh like a dog’, before evolving to mean ‘gnash one’s teeth’ or ‘to sneer’. Look it up. 

So I wasn’t so much taming my bad mood, as replacing my armoury. I’m trying to pinpoint a particular time I was sarcastic that doesn’t (out of context certainly) make me look like a massive bitch. It’s proving tricky.

I know when I started at one of the schools I taught at, I was told not to use sarcasm with any of my students. And I thought, in that moment, ‘that’s half my teaching practice – what am I going to do?’ The headmaster insisted that I shouldn’t use sarcasm because the student’s ‘didn’t understand it’. But if I was using sarcasm since primary school, these secondary school kids should surely recognise it?

I think there’s an intrinsic honesty to sarcasm that students can appreciate. Maybe not when it’s directed at them, but on the whole. But I do agree there’s a time and place for it. Responding ‘yeahhhhh…’ when a student asked if he was my favourite student is one thing. Responding ‘Nooo…’ when asked if you went drinking at the weekend would be different.

But I’m a very sarcastic person – because it amuses me – but I’m also (some would argue blindly) optimistic. And when I say ‘you can do it!’ sometimes I’d get looks from my students questioning whether I was being sarcastic or not. Which is fair. They get a constant stream of critique; from teachers, parents and their peers. But the way I see it, if I’m an intrinsically sarcastic person, but even I think this praise is warranted, it must be.

Also – and thank you Smithsonian for this tidbit of support for my continued use of sarcasm – being able to recognise sarcasm is a sign of a strong creative mind, able to problem solve quickly and more efficiently. So to anyone I’ve been sarcastic with, you’re welcome.

Do you use sarcasm? Let me know, and like and follow!

Have you ever done a prank call?

My friend’s house wasn’t like my house. My house wasn’t clean, but at least there was colour. Her’s was brown, and brown, and beige. Maybe there were more colours, and I don’t remember any more. In my mind’s eye, everything was brown in the way every council house has a faded brown and red upholstered sofa, with brown detailing which might have been ‘golden’ when the sofa was new, and leather sofa-cushions that deflate the moment you sit on them mimicking the deep sigh the adults release when they finally get to sit. Beige linoleum flooring in the kitchen, with brown rings where the cat bowl was put. Beige walls with scuff marks and posters in frames chipped corners and ring marks. Net curtains you could see in through. Waste of time if you ask me.

But for all the brown, it’s where I liked to be. In her room, on her bed, watching her straighten her long – don’t call it ginger – hair. Freckles on her nose. Blue eyes she’s pop wide to make me laugh. White shirt, untucked. School kilt – yeah we had those even in 2003 – rolled up around the waist like a thick belt. Or a thick belt with studs on, half the studs missing because she played with it. Black eyeliner, only on the bottom waterline of the eye. Mascara. Lipgloss if you were feeling fancy. And the strong smell of hairspray, to keep it straight.

For her birthday she had a sleepover, about six girls crammed into a small living room in front of the television to watch The Ring. Not a good film. But in the dark, girls crept out of their sleeping bags and hid upstairs with her mum, one by one, until it was just she and I left. The girls came back when the film ended, and my mum called to say good night. It scared the crap out of everyone, except me – who could see the caller ID.

It gave us an idea though. We could prank call someone. Anyone. Pick a number at random. So we did. Put in our area code and then six random numbers. No idea who it could be. It was late too, some people didn’t bother answering. Finally, someone did. She put on a voice, we tried not to laugh. They got angry, asked who it was. We laughed out-loud and hung up. Continued with a couple more numbers. Called people we knew, told them our friends fancied them. Or we knew where they lived. Or that their car had been stolen.

Then the first person called us back. Asked to speak to her mum.

We’d forgotten to do that 1471 thing – where you block your number. Her mum went mad. Not just because we’d wound people up late at night, but because we didn’t pay the phone bill. How long had we been doing for? Who knew. We kept pretty quiet after that.

When I went home, my mum asked what we’d gotten up to – and I told her about The Ring and how her phone call had freaked everyone out. She laughed, so I left it there and didn’t tell her about the prank calls. That was kid stuff anyway.

What is your favourite smell?

Good morning!

I think we can all agree, of the five main senses, smell is the most underrated. It can tie us back to nostalgic memories. Hold onto those heart strings. Remind us of good positive things. Which is nothing to be sniffed at! (Spoiler alert, not sorry. I love a pun and I’ve got a couple more lined up below).

So here’s my compilation of favourite smells!

My first perfume: 

• DNKY ‘Green Apple’ Be Delicious: £74 (Boots)

A girls first perfume is important. It’s the scent you’re going to have tied to every ‘first kiss’ or ‘puppy love’. All of those formative, pubescent years.

That’s what Green Apple was for me. Before I got my first proper perfume, it was all about ‘So…?’ and ‘Charlie’ body spray. Being given a first perfume was a milestone. Especially as this was a favourite amongst my favourite boys, who described the fact I always smelt nice as a ‘super power’. Nothing super about it, tucked in this orb of deliciousness was the secret. I’ve still got some, for those moments when I want to remember night walks, camping in a broken tent, drinking at the coastal park, kissing in treehouses.

 

My ‘Dress to Impress’ Perfume:

Burberry Touch for Women: £64 (Debenhams)

This perfume was on the other end of the spectrum. Also a gift, a much more subtle smell. I imagined I’d wear it in the vast office of a marketing company, high heels and blazer. Instead, I wore it as a teacher, wearing jeans and a long top so my boss wouldn’t see. Stretching over a whiteboard because I’m only 5’5 and I can’t reach the corners.

I don’t go on a lot of dates, but there’s something about the bottle and the smell that makes me feel – when I wear it – that I’ve got my life together. Even if my socks don’t match and my writing feels stunted.

Smells like my mum:

Most of my favourite smells are linked to my mum. She’s got a fantastic perfume collection, but she always relies on the same two. Paul Smith ‘Rose’ and ‘Dolce’ by Dolce and Gabbana.

For a long time, she wore nothing except Kenzo flower, or Poppy as I called it as a little girl. It’s the smell that, whenever I catch it in the air it makes me think of her. Which is good. I should call her more.

• Kenzo Flower (Poppy): £64 (Boots) – the original
• Dolce & Gabbana ‘Dolce’: £49 (Perfume Shop) – what she wears now
• Paul Smith Rose: £30 (Boots)
• Jean Paul Gaultier ‘Classique’ for Women: £86 (Boots)

My 2018 Favourites:

• My Expensive: Prada Candy Florale: £81 (Boots)

Christmas had come and gone, but my birthday was still weeks away. My mum and I were wandering through a department store, wafting all the perfumes on those little sticks and I kept coming back to Prada Candy. My mum saw me pining, and pointed at a gift box that had both the perfume and the body lotion. Reduced to £54.

She made me promise not to open it before my birthday, but didn’t hold me to it.

• My Cheap: Avon’s Little Black Dress: £7.50 (Avon)

Same year, same birthday, I was given a box of Avon goodies that I was too much an entitled, spoilt brat too appreciate. Inside was Avon’s perfume, little black dress. I refused to wear it. Admittedly, I refused to wear anything that wasn’t Prada Candy at the time. But when I went on holiday, it was the only bottle of perfume small enough to take on a plane. Now the smell is intrinsically tied to adventure for me, and it’s a really soft sweet smell. Which’ll teach me not to be such a scent-snob in future.

Not Perfumes:

Tarte palette In Bloom (Tarte – £41) is Blooming Lovely! (There it is!) Every time I open this palette it has me salivating. Chocolately smells and gorgeous colours. Delicious.

MMMelting Marshmallow Moment B – Bath Melt and Oils. £2.50 (Lush) – If, like me, you’re obsessed with Lush products but are restricted by not owning a bath, then here’s a little life hack for you. The bath melts can go in anything and make it smell incredible. I leave them in my make up case, memory boxes, underwear drawers. So I’m greeted with that sweet sugary smell every time I open them.

I’m not ashamed to admit there’s a strong theme of ‘sugar’ in my favourite smells. I’ve got a sweet tooth, it’s who I am.

But I’d love to know what your favourite smells are! Comment below and let me know if they match any on my list.